Debra LaFave is Hot!

She really is. And who cares if she had sex with a 15 year old, I am sure HE doesn't care. I think her real crime is being so dang hot. I am not even gonna try to be witty or funny. She is just hot. Though this is not entirely a timely story, she is back in the news for some reason. I think its just because she is hot.

Stupid Clinton Voters...

A poll by Fox News (yes yes scoff all you want, but surprisingly enough Fox News pulls off very unbiased polls. (on the other hand, how do you measure unbiasedness?)) shows that 55% of people are at planning on voting for Hilary Clinton will do so because she has the 'right experience.'

Wait a minute? What experience does she have? That answer to that question is the same as this question...

How many more words am I going to type today?

Sweet Baby Jesus!

And by Sweet Baby Jesus I mean Sweet baby with 8 limbs! (Oh my gosh!)
And I also mean Sweet Baby With Two Heads! (Dear Me!)

What is this world coming to!?!?

Screw the Metric system!

That's right. Metric sucks. And here is why... because people tell me it is better. It is the exact same reason I hate Macs, The Patriots, and fuel efficient cars. The instant you tell me I should change my ways to do something 'better' I take a silent but still very binding vow to never ever do it as long as you still think it is the better way. I honestly don't care that in ten years Hispanics will be the largest minority group in America, I refuse to learn Spanish because people keep telling me I should! Dang straight I should, but if anyone is gonna tell me what I should do, you can bet your sissy bilingual butt its gonna be me!

And I honestly don't give a piece of jack squat if the metric system is more 'logical.' Let me share with you a story..

Once there was a boy born in America. And he grew to be 6 feet 1 inch, he walked 1 mile to school everyday, and he once ate a 3 pound steak. And when he died, he never regretted not learning the metric system. The End.

How many of you metric swine ever really suffered because America uses the English system, or what I fondly refer to as the "Right system". The only argument for switching to the metric system is it is more logical, and I think we can all agree that logic has no place in America if it means changing the current system. The day I die will be the day I am okay with America being metric... which brings me to a serious question.

On that day will I be 6 feet under or roughly 2 meters under?

Chinese Toys! A Pedopihls Dream!

That is right, not only are Chinese made toys threatening out ecomony and making our children susceptible to sickness, but also more susceptible to rape! Turns out that some Matell product has been recalled because it contains a chemical that is found in and has the same effect as the date rape drug GHB. Pedophiles click here!

Could this all be a ploy by the Chinese to slowly but surely destroy our security in America? It's not likely but I am going to chose to believe it. Regardless of Chinese intentions, children beware!
The Chinese might have your safety in mind (Actually they really dont, heres the link yet again!) but I am pretty sure Uncle Jimmy doesn't. If you don't prepare yourself this could be a Christmas remembered forever... but then again maybe not. It is a date rape drug...

More things you can't bring on planes

I guess that headline is a little misleading. I am changing it to "more things you can't do on a plane" Why didn't I really change the headline you ask? Well, because you really can't do anything on a plane anyway. You can't shoot guns. You can't practice knife throwing. And you definitely can't knit! My one consolation was that you could still engage in sexual activities in the romantic setting of the lavatory. And then i heard that some planes have beds in first class! Eureka! There still was a way to pass the time on an airplane.

But Japanese airlines have to take all the fun out of flying. SEX-the aptly named hyperlink

First, what do they expect people to do on these beds anyway? The only reason I see for adding them is the first place is to facilitate to the needs of the mile-high club members. Secondly, how are going to people fly? How are they going to entertain themselves within the confines of an airplane without have rampant sex!?

I don't know. What is this world coming to? I blame the terrorists

Does anyone else remember the USS Cole?

I sure as heck do! And last I checked the federal government cared because there was a multi-million dollar bounty on the people who planned it's heads! Well... Yemen seems to have forgotten.

I am not even gonna put a fancy hyperlink in, just the plain URL that is how pissed I am!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7065074.stm

There! Yemen is releasing this terrorist for reasons I cant even begin to imagine! I was under the impression that people responsible for killing 17 people suck and should go to jail. The only way i can see this being a good thing is the 5 million dollar bounty on his head. Maybe this could be the jump start for the Michigan economy we have all been waiting for. So, if anyone else is interested I am on my way to Yemen, for the sake of common dignity and the economic welfare of Michigan.

Higher IQ's are for White people

I was once again dumb-founded by the pure racism my EDU 107 (into to education) class teaches. Once again while taking an online quiz, I was presented with yet another race based question.

Q. What is the main criticism against IQ testing?
A. Cultural Biased.

And who do you think IQ tests favor? That's right people, white mid-class males! Apparently, the majority of IQ test questions draws from experiences more common to white middle class people. Lets look at some sample IQ tests taken from random websites online....

	Which one of these is least like the four?
		Horse
		Kangaroo
		Goat
		Deer
		Donkey

Hmmm... do Black people not have the same experience with 4 legged animals as white people?

	is to as is to

Do Mexicans not have the same spatial comprehension as white people?

	HAND is to Glove as HEAD is to
		Hair
		Hat
		Neck
		Earring
		Hairpin

And do Indians just have retarded bodies?

I am sorry, to suggest that IQ tests are geared more for white middle class males is frankly an insult to every one's intelligence.

World Domination...

Those who knew me between 7th grade and the present know that I have had a plan for world domination. Essentially this scheme involved taking control of and colonizing Antarctica to become adjusted to severe cold, then I would purposefully instigate nuclear war to bring on nuclear winter. of course, I would be the only survivor because I had become adjusted to the cold and survived the initial blast through my Fernando Bird Packaging Co. Fall-out shelters.

But somebody has a head start on me... Britain.

I didn't really read the whole article and I don't expect OR encourage you to, but I understand what the UK is trying to do and its exactly the same thing I wanted to do. And it seems like perfect timing for the Brits. Russia is building NUCLEAR WEAPONS (capitalized to properly show the sheer terror)!! And they have the audacity to threaten America and we just happen to have the balls to stick in their mouth!

As much hatred as I have for the Brits, I have to respect them for not only their foresight but their ambition for global domination...

Shut up Truth.com

What the heck is truth.com. I tell you! It is stupid! Granted I have never been to truth.com but I have seen my fair share of truth commercials. Oh believe me I have... and for the life of me I can't see what their point is.

I know what they are saying. Smoking is evil! Smoking company's is evil! And if you smoke you will die and that makes smoking company happy! We get it! So what do they expect us to do?! I am sure the website would tell us all about what they want the feeble minded lemmings who fall victim to their commercials to do, but i refuse to be a feeble minded lemming! I am a strong willed bull in a proverbial china shop of their bias anti-smoking opinions! I will smash their ideas like a little bitty tea cup!

And maybe they do have some good points but do they have to be such douche bags and pull such lame publicity stunts. I doubt their authenticity. On average, 100% of people who don't smoke don't have the balls to do something that requires balls. Despite the media's best efforts to destroy my independent thought, I still think people who smoke are more bad ass then non-smokers.

Consider! Rambo was a bad-ass. Rambo purposefully put himself in life-threatening situations. He knew he could die! But yet he persisted and triumphed! What is so different between Rambo and smokers then? The way I see it, nothing!

So lift up your glass and light up for the bad asses of the new millennium... Smokers!

I guess I am racist

Everyday more and more I am told that I am racist. I am a white, middle-class male and therefore I hate blacks (who I supposedly call niggers), Asians (Japs and Chinks), Mexicans (wet backs), handicapped (cripples, dwarfs, and lazy a-holes), homosexuals (fags, dykes, homos, queers, gays, etc.). I thought this misconception of the white middle class male segment of society (which if we are going to dissect the population that much, isn't even a minority) was limited to media and liberal wieners but I am wrong.

I was taking an online test for my Education course and had this question...

Groups that have been most frequently discriminated against in terms of quality of education include all of the following except

		exceptional learners.
		students with disabilities.
		Asian Americans.
		Anglo-Americans.

So, once again we dissect the population so that it is white people not only against other races but also against smarter people and dumber people.

I saw a poster at FSU for a talk on stereotyping, saying certain groups were not fairly represented in the media. These groups were; African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Latin-Americans, native-Americans, homosexuals, and poor whites. What?! Poor whites is now a minority! The case against me grows.

I am not black, I am not Asian, I am not gay, I am not a native-American, I am not Latino, I am not poor, I am not Jewish. Thus I am racist. Damn...

ALSO I would like to state that from henceforth I find the term 'white' offensive, I now demand to be called American-American. Thank you.

Saw IV

Yeah... about that. I wont be impressed with that series until Saw VII, and then it will only because I am depressed about how dumb the American public is...

Seriously! These movies suck. The first one was alright, it focused more on the psychological aspect more then the other ones, but it was Cary Elwes. I love Cary Elwes but the most serious role I want to see him in is that one guy on Liar Liar. And Saw II! It was a crappy carnival of disgusting traps and ill-conceived ways of 'psychological torture' The ONLY way that movie had any form of mental anguish related to the GENIUS of stupid saw was the 'contestants' utterly digusting at the revolting schmorgishboard of horrors! There was nothing clever about that movie! It was just shock and perhaps if they were lucky awe.

People... get a life! Watch a movie with substance. Watching Saw movies is about as classy and meaningful as listening to Howard Stern.

Headline of the day and weak jungle people

Headline of the day...

F1: Hamilton faces Japan probe.

That has to worded like that on purpose...

Well, it seems a previously unknown tribe of 'indigenous people' have been spotted in the Amazon. However, no contact is going to be made with them because they might get sick and die. I guess that is true. It is definitely much better for them if we never ever make contact with them. I find this poses some serious problems. How will they learn about Paris Hilton? Or the wonderful riches that America holds for illegal immigrants? I see that working for them greatly! Even if they are inflicted with a debilitating disease like chicken pox, if they come here illegally we will provide them with health care! So there really is no concern for their general well being. Also, these are potential future democratic voters! Obviously they are a minority of some sort. Think of the welfare, the health care, and the crime rate!

And also, if we don't contact them, how are they to learn the dangers of global warming? I think this is answered simply enough, they are already aware about global warming. They are living smack-dab in the middle of the jungles that are most effected by global warming. I think, it would make a better political gesture and act of genuine caring if instead of contacting them we just dropped picket signs

"George bush! Stop destroying our home with your global warming voo doo!"

Zune blows...

It really does. I have an Ipod but I am not an "Ipod supremacist' like the people I see walking back and forth to class, back and forth to lunch, and back and forth from the bathroom everyday with little wired chicklets stuck in their ears. But I do believe Ipod is better then Zune.

There really is no comparison. Zune lacks a clock, games, a good organizational system, and the awesome sexy appeal of Ipod (that was a joke... please laugh). Granted Zune does have the wifi music sharing thing, so you can share your music with all the other 3 Zune users in America. Oh! And it has radio! HD Radio... but most people get mp3 players so they don't have to listen to the radio anyway so that is a relatively moot point.

Even Microsoft recognizes it. All Zune is is a knock-off of Ipod. A cheap imitation that costs pretty much the same. But even if you are still undecided about which device is better I offer this option... Don't get either one and actually enjoy the world around you.

I am not sure if I am the only one who feels this way but I feel like cold-cocking every a-hole walking around with those stupid and oh-so trendy ear buds stuck in their head. It is not so much that I hate Ipods, Zunes, Zunpods and Iunes, It is just the fact that they can not hear me or anything else that is going on around then. That is why I ussually walk behind them and say things like "Your butt reminds me of an asparagus." Most of the time their butt doesn't remind me of an asparagus, but it fun to insult them and see if they notice. They never do.

The worst part is they listen to it so loud that you can hear the music that is playing. It is usually rap, or some sort of emo band that isn't ready to admit they are emo (but we all know they are...) But worst yet is when its that stupid stupid song from the 90's...

Love me love me, say that you love me....

Tsar Putin!

Oh if only! I am not a communist, but I am a pretty big fan of Vladimir Putin. Not because of what he has done but what he could become! It seems that Putin has his eye on the Prime Minstership (is that a word?) of Russia and he should go for it! But he shouldn't stop there!

Everyone in Russia loves Putin, he should just go for Tsar or Comrade Putin. Face it, Russia is slowly but surely slipping back into their wonderfully communist ways and I am a big supporter of this. Not for Russia's sake, but for Americas' sake! What America lacks right now is a common enemy. We can't outright claim that Muslim 'extremists' are the enemy because many of them live among us and can look like anybody! But Commies were easy to spot. They wore a lot of red, wore big coats, and walked around calling people comrade. Easy to spot.

But why do we need a common enemy? Simple! When we don't have a common blatant enemy we start hating each other! If we all just hated commies again America would come together under the banner of 'commie-hatin'... and fear of Cold War

The Right Direction for Michigan!

To spare us from the horrible inconvenience of having the lottery and alcohol sales being stopped, the Michigan government decided to raise the income tax and expand the sales tax. How nice of them! I guess it is rather convenient though. Since now it will be nearly impossible to get a job in Michigan, we will however be able to drink away our unemployment sorrows and try our luck at making the lottery our main source of income!

On a more serious and less sarcastic note, I would have gladly dealt with a Government shutdown if they wouldn't raise my taxes. Here's the deal, I like the little bit of money I make and I like it even more when I get to keep it. That is why I don't gamble, I like to keep my money. So, this newly passed budget only helps one group of people, those who like the throw their money away. Studies have shown that the number of people frivolously lighting their money on fire or mixing it into soups has gone down significantly in the state of Michigan over the past 5 years. I think if state leaders just paid attention to facts like these, Michigan would be heading in a much better direction...